suicide series.

ask me what rain tastes like.

better than tears.

you have my heart

too tight in your hands.

you can't be mine,

i know.

your eyes play with mine

& your mind plays with mine

but my heart is so lonely,

don't you know.

you play unfairly,

bending the invisible rules,

bending until dangerous angles

flirt around,

until they creak and break.

do you know what you're doing,

what you've done?

what will you do?

must you toy with me so.

it is in my mind, i know-

you're innocent,

unknowing.

you're so near,

but you aren't mine.

and i'm not yours.



my heart with you is broken.
darling (why must) you hurt me so.

[written on a quietly rainy night...day.]









and like an infant

i smile wide

and then i remember

who i am

where i am

who looks at me this

very instant

(you)

and i try to

take it back in,

the smile hides

but a moment too late

your laughing eyes

have seen it all,

seen beyond the lips

and the childish gap

and into me

your eyes are searching

for that something

i try not to disclose.

i refuse to let you know

yet i feel i want you

to know.

you have sought,

you have pried,

you have found,

you have examined.

i'm certain (almost)

that you know

that i know

that i know you know

my heart is yours.

(my smiling lips

your laughing eyes...)









bittersweet.

your stare softly sparkling

like a glazed memory of

a childhood merry go around

and i feel fine

for that moment

on the carousel

when all the world is a blur

and the warm wind runs its

neverending course.

if you...

then i...

oh never mind.

the time about which

i can only reminisce

so simple but bland.

the seconds of the

here and now

so capricious.

no longer so tastelessly

clear and blind

(to the facts forever stationary and volatile)

sweet, it is

bringing giggles to my soul

spicy, it can be

stinging my eyes,

making them cry.

sour, i pucker up

and wince my way through.

bitter, very very often

in marriage with sweet,

can very well

be the flavor

my heart tastes

now.

(you bring the bitter,

i bring the sweet.)







suicide.

i see her leading you

away by the heart

and as you go,

you lead away mine.

but i remain (i collapse)

lonely with my mind.

my eyes,

having given all they had,

wither away.

and my mind

beats itself

with all that could have been.

if you ever return,

perhaps you'll see

me,

or what remains.

perhaps you'll make

time

piece me together

again.

but my heart

is yours

to keep.

take care,

love.