that you didn't read.
and that cookie,
you didn't eat.
well,
i ate it.
and i read the note.
and what was yours
belongs to me.
it was good,
it was superficial,
generic and expected.
like our friendship,
our relationship,
or whatever
people think it is.
or whatever
i dream it to be.
(fortune)
the red
the green
the yellow
you had your pick.
i picked them all.
i picked the red,
which wasn't deep enough,
and the green
which was too dark,
and the yellow,
not so creamy,
not so calm.
i bought them,
looked at them,
and let them roll.
i didn't want passion
when it's weak.
i didn't want envy
that made me a bitch.
not yellow either,
i'm not bland.
(picked)
that movie,
what was that bullshit?
i can't believe i spent
an hour and a quarter
of my money on that.
terrible,
kind of like you.
that person
(you),
who was that fucker?
i can't believe i spent
a month and a week
of my time on him.
terrible,
kind of like me.
that month
(me),
when was that sadness?
i can't believe i spent
all of myself
on my imagination,
on dreams that were
so terribly fake.
(terrible)
something,
anything,
to lay my head on
when i leave you.
something,
anything,
so i can sleep
at night.
something,
anything,
that can fit
in my pocket.
something,
anything.
portable.
portable.
a piece of spearmint gum.
a word in my ear.
(portable)
wives.
you can have 12 wives.
you can have 11, or 13.
i don't want to be a wife.
i want to be a lover.
i want to be in the bed,
and i want to see the man
scramble,
rush,
and hide me somewhere.
as if i'm invisible.
i want to see him
nervous,
weak,
so scared.
i want him to love me
quickly.
my lover,
now.
(twelve)
i think we can do it
if you want to.
on one knee,
or on top of a tower,
or during dinner
among the candles,
or under the stars,
or in bed.
we can do it,
if you want to.
we can do anything
you want to do,
because i never cared
for such things.
i never cared for
such things,
like you,
like love,
like time,
or sex.
(proposal)
didn't want you to tell everyone.
and now that you have,
it's going to disappear
under all that attention.
i told you not to,
and you insisted.
publicize it,
make everyone
believe it,
so that i can't say,
no, that's not what i meant.
this time, you're wrong,
like you mostly are,
because it's going to fade,
and no one will care.
go.
publicize.
(publicize)
a secret--
i love secrets,
and i told you,
i love secrets.
so you came closer,
and moved your mouth close
and your lips parted,
and i wanted words,
but you
breathed out
in my ear.
just like he did.
and i remembered,
this is what he did.
that night.
(ear)
a point
on the water,
i was swimming,
not in the water,
because i'm afraid.
and it was cold,
and my lips turned blue,
and i got sick,
and drank ginger soup.
on the water,
i was floating,
not really in the water,
because i couldn't breathe.
i focused on you,
beside me,
higher,
in a different place.
and thought,
if i chose
to risk it all
would you still be beside me
or
will i be
in water
all the way
in
in
and never
out.
(point)
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