i suppose

PRELUDE.
i suppose
it hurts

to know i will never
be as perfect as you

though it might be nice to know
you are not perfect too.

I.
on these days,
when i have too much work to do

i look at you
and step

from warm admiring sand
into envious waters

lapping up
hungry waves

II.
my eyes
up and down

your spine
and its visibility

under the light
through the window

III.
on your delicate bed
next to you i want to

IV.
carry your body away
to the land of starvation

filled with desire to have
and to own

my mind drips
with souring saliva

my throat has never
felt this dry before

never so suffocated before
at the sight of you

and the invisible things
in your skin

that make it
perfectly whole

bones
never looked so in love

with flesh
with life

and you think no one wants
to kiss

your curves more than light
who loves you too much

even when it rains
the drops prisms of rainbow

across your chest
across the length of your leg.

V.
though i have never wanted
to break and be broken

i do now
so very bad

VI.
my mind
never so smooth as you

will beat you
at that swimming race

any day
but

i will never feel quite
atoned

for the private things
i say to myself

over the morning bowls of
cereal with milk

eaten at night
with criminal heart

for the time that i kill
breaking myself

to forget the deaths i had caused
in myself through you

VII.
i know you
must not be perfect

but i am lied to
by what i see

by your being in your body
so happily

VIII.
singing and dancing
farther and farther away

from this thing that i am in:
i live because i keep it alive

though some days
i'd rather dissipate.

IX.
you can help me
my dearest friend

for i am your victim
as much as you are mine

trapped by land mines
we risk it all the time

from morning to night
as we breathe

we die.

X.

i suppose

it matters not

if there be one or many
storms until peace.