soy crisps

i chewed and bit my tongue mom i miss you and want you to come and visit and maybe then i can tell you what has happened but it'll be too difficult because you wouldn't really consider it to be anything and i think it's not a big deal it's just...

everything.

everything i realized at once. they don't want me and i'm just tagging along all the time.

and i'm just here by myself and walking and i have no place to go and i want to know what i did wrong and why i could not control my life better and why it's all going away, all that i had had once, why it all just left and now i'm here, somewhere i don't really belong but this is the best place for me anyway because then it hits me that i don't belong anywhere and even my thoughts and tears are running away and they're taking away my eyes and i can't see and they keep running and i just stand here wondering why i am here, why you brought me here, why i had to be the one who came, why you thought the one before was a mistake and if you know that i am the real mistake.

i slid down a step and the whole train of stairs ran down under away from me, and i keep rolling along, and my arm, and my leg, and my back, but just not my neck, so i could feel everything that ran into me. i run. 

but get nowhere.

so i stopped.

and here i am.

chewing on my tongue.