what remains.

April knocks again. I have been waiting for her
for days now and my dog's waiting for me to answer, 
waiting to know if I can possibly let her command me
again this time. I hear "Open the door." I am going to--
"Open the door!" I am going to--
my throat emptied of its rumbling darkness now houses your name
still dim like the fire of candles in the cathedral not far from here
licks of sudden movements against the wall 
you are dashed against the sick slides inside
between my bones surrounding what we sometimes call
the torch that flicks on and off but never dies
to be resurrected again at uncertain moments of Easter
without the happy children at the egg hunt
i do not know what i am looking for
now awake, now asleep
always fevered when i pray
kneeling beside the candles to feed you
oxygen, in the shape of 
words i tried to sigh out softly
but i am sick, you see, 
and you can't blame me
for blowing you out
when my throat suddenly coughed you out.