bagels,
without any additions.
pick a nice one,
plain and crunchy soft.
blueberry,
cinnamon raisin,
whole grain
subtly sweet,
simple satisfaction guaranteed.
should you be allured
by the cream cheese,
butters and jam selection,
be careful what you choose.
don't they look delicious,
you say to yourself-
how nice that would look
on top of my toasted everything!
but there are so many,
which would you pick?
i'm slightly scared
you'd want to try them all.
will you decide on
the one that you'd never tire of,
the one whose taste
makes your mouth want more,
your mind sighing
(what for, what for?)
your heart content
knowing
it will never be a bore?
(is the one on your mind the one
that is already in my hand?)
question
"what is circling round in your mind
that thing that won't leave you behind?"
do you think if i fell inside
this whirl
that you would catch me
before i sink?
if i throw my hand upwards
would yours be lowered
to mine
in time?
joke, they tell me it's a joke,
that i'm one of those silly folks
who feeds too much hope
into the unknown,
who tries to sail in a boat
but knows not where she's going.
lost
in fear.
scared and in tears,
unseen, but they're there.
well, i say that i'm just fine.
what's mine is mine,
and the rest i'll somehow find
though they think i'm blind.
do you think you know who i am?
will you be kind
and throw me a line?
will you prove them wrong,
they who think i am gone?
they laugh,
they think i'm mad!
but will you make them ask,
what is circling round in your mind
this thing that won't leave you behind?
that thing that won't leave you behind?"
do you think if i fell inside
this whirl
that you would catch me
before i sink?
if i throw my hand upwards
would yours be lowered
to mine
in time?
joke, they tell me it's a joke,
that i'm one of those silly folks
who feeds too much hope
into the unknown,
who tries to sail in a boat
but knows not where she's going.
lost
in fear.
scared and in tears,
unseen, but they're there.
well, i say that i'm just fine.
what's mine is mine,
and the rest i'll somehow find
though they think i'm blind.
do you think you know who i am?
will you be kind
and throw me a line?
will you prove them wrong,
they who think i am gone?
they laugh,
they think i'm mad!
but will you make them ask,
what is circling round in your mind
this thing that won't leave you behind?
talk.
let's talk.
i feel like a child
when i see people
hugging each other.
let's talk.
i feel alone,
out of the picture,
trying to follow
but never quite there.
let's talk.
i want to go
with you
wherever that might be.
let's talk.
i want you to listen
to me and my words
to my breathing.
let's talk.
i want you to guess
everything i haven't said,
hiding, waiting, waiting...
let's talk
about me
about you
and her,
how she can make your soul
escape.
i'll listen,
and let you talk
about how lovely it is
to be the one for her,
how you can't imagine
a time she isn't in.
you say, gently
she boggles your mind
dances with your heart
kisses your nose and lips.
i say,
i say...
i smile,
your words make me smile.
let's talk,
about happiness,
and how she makes you
so so happy.
i feel like a child
when i see people
hugging each other.
let's talk.
i feel alone,
out of the picture,
trying to follow
but never quite there.
let's talk.
i want to go
with you
wherever that might be.
let's talk.
i want you to listen
to me and my words
to my breathing.
let's talk.
i want you to guess
everything i haven't said,
hiding, waiting, waiting...
let's talk
about me
about you
and her,
how she can make your soul
escape.
i'll listen,
and let you talk
about how lovely it is
to be the one for her,
how you can't imagine
a time she isn't in.
you say, gently
she boggles your mind
dances with your heart
kisses your nose and lips.
i say,
i say...
i smile,
your words make me smile.
let's talk,
about happiness,
and how she makes you
so so happy.
go.
smiles,
inside and out.
i'm almost certain
where i am,
one foot here
and the other there,
with a slight but sincere smile,
and a pair of half-frowning eyes.
i look quickly,
let my head tilt back
so that nothing falls out,
or it might flood this nice place.
i know that maybe this is what
i'd thought it'd be,
because,
happiness comes naturally
even when you walk away.
because,
i have hope
and i put it all in you.
i smile
when you've found your destination,
and i laugh
as you let the sun shine on your face.
because,
you're happy,
and despite this reluctance,
i can smile for you.
for you, i can hold back,
i can give you
a day without rain.
concentrate on my smile,
that's what's true,
don't search for my eyes,
because they aren't kind,
both pleading with something close
to insanity.
you needn't know,
because that's my reality,
not yours.
i could wait forever,
but you won't,
you know how it goes.
look here,
take the smile,
and go.
my face won't miss it.
my heart never had it.
my mind...doesn't want to think about it.
(i want you good and gone
by the time the flood comes.
i want to see my smile
on your face.)
inside and out.
i'm almost certain
where i am,
one foot here
and the other there,
with a slight but sincere smile,
and a pair of half-frowning eyes.
i look quickly,
let my head tilt back
so that nothing falls out,
or it might flood this nice place.
i know that maybe this is what
i'd thought it'd be,
because,
happiness comes naturally
even when you walk away.
because,
i have hope
and i put it all in you.
i smile
when you've found your destination,
and i laugh
as you let the sun shine on your face.
because,
you're happy,
and despite this reluctance,
i can smile for you.
for you, i can hold back,
i can give you
a day without rain.
concentrate on my smile,
that's what's true,
don't search for my eyes,
because they aren't kind,
both pleading with something close
to insanity.
you needn't know,
because that's my reality,
not yours.
i could wait forever,
but you won't,
you know how it goes.
look here,
take the smile,
and go.
my face won't miss it.
my heart never had it.
my mind...doesn't want to think about it.
(i want you good and gone
by the time the flood comes.
i want to see my smile
on your face.)
waiting
if i wait long enough
it will go away.
if i ignore this cough,
it will be gone in may.
confusion comes and goes,
solutions disappear before they arrive.
i hope this sniffling in my nose
will be elsewhere at five...
confusion is better
(gone is the silence)
when my mind chatters...
love
is a sad beauty-
picking up broken pieces
of dishes that all at once clattered,
crying at the loss
smiling at the thoughts and memories...
(bleeding unknowingly
from the glass cuts,
absorbed by ghostly matters
of what used to be
and no longer is.)
it will go away.
if i ignore this cough,
it will be gone in may.
confusion comes and goes,
solutions disappear before they arrive.
i hope this sniffling in my nose
will be elsewhere at five...
confusion is better
(gone is the silence)
when my mind chatters...
love
is a sad beauty-
picking up broken pieces
of dishes that all at once clattered,
crying at the loss
smiling at the thoughts and memories...
(bleeding unknowingly
from the glass cuts,
absorbed by ghostly matters
of what used to be
and no longer is.)
words.
painfully dull repetition,
love full of hate,
hate filled with sorrow.
take it,
leave a mark,
i don't want the rest.
it's so useless,
don't you think,
to give me mismatched pieces?
under the sun shining
the land is bare and asking...
something's always missing
overrated exaggerations recurring.
weak,
worthless,
whimpering,
don't you think
on second thought,
i am
just like
all and sundry?.
love full of hate,
hate filled with sorrow.
take it,
leave a mark,
i don't want the rest.
it's so useless,
don't you think,
to give me mismatched pieces?
under the sun shining
the land is bare and asking...
something's always missing
overrated exaggerations recurring.
weak,
worthless,
whimpering,
don't you think
on second thought,
i am
just like
all and sundry?.
the beach
i walk unto the beach.
(why do i fear only water,
and never sand?
tiny particles could swallow me
just as the flooding currents could.
when i walk unto a beach,
the sound of the waves
reach my ears, and i can't really hear
anything else, and i am scared
of the noise (what others consider soothing
my brain interprets as frightening)
and yet i go further
deeper
into the water
and let the coolness wash over my feet
my ankle, my leg, and if i am brave enough
on that particular night, or if you are there
to make sure i won't disappear,
then maybe it might reach my waist
but go no higher,
i might burst of this trembling doubt
that i can't handle it,
i really can't!
anxiety joins the waves
pulling me in closer,
to where? where?
what to do
if i can't find home?
if i live to a terrifying death,
because i know nothing,
and possible is everything.
but i play with the sand,
even when i see the water beneath.
trap, is it a trap?
will the water seep, not down, but up
when i am unaware and take me?
(or am i actually upside down?))
i can't see the stars.
(mother, father,
why have you named me after hope?
stars are constant, to the eye.
did you not know that they are dead?
or would you rather not see the bigger picture?
the bigger question?
is there some reason to anything?
what are the chances that
reality is fake?)
they are behind clouds.
(are they hiding?
am i hiding?)
i look to the lighthouse
(in the distance.
can you see the bright dot
turn into a beam,
going to the right,
then to the left,
over and over again?
is this life?
repetition?)
and watch the waves
(they run over each other,
like we run over each other,
and sometimes when they are strong enough
they sprint over the shoreline.
but they can't stay,
and we can't stay,
you know that.)
and the white foam
(rising, falling, arriving, disappearing).
and i wonder why
(why
why
why)
i am here
(on the beach,
on this trip,
living)
and why i want
(to see the stars
to write on the sand
to find some shells and skeletons
to find him)
and not want
(to live)
everything,
(yes, everything)
all at the same time
(i love so much,
and hate so much,
give so much,
and receive so much,
good,
and bad,
pleasures,
and pains,
young,
and yet so old...)
so i thought,
if i want to be here,
and not be here,
it means that i still want to be here.
because, if given the choice,
i wouldn't leave.
because i've come to this spot,
and i am here.
and i looked up at the sky,
the stars had come out of hiding.
(and i realized,
what is the ocean
but the accumulation
of everyone's fallen tears?)
(why do i fear only water,
and never sand?
tiny particles could swallow me
just as the flooding currents could.
when i walk unto a beach,
the sound of the waves
reach my ears, and i can't really hear
anything else, and i am scared
of the noise (what others consider soothing
my brain interprets as frightening)
and yet i go further
deeper
into the water
and let the coolness wash over my feet
my ankle, my leg, and if i am brave enough
on that particular night, or if you are there
to make sure i won't disappear,
then maybe it might reach my waist
but go no higher,
i might burst of this trembling doubt
that i can't handle it,
i really can't!
anxiety joins the waves
pulling me in closer,
to where? where?
what to do
if i can't find home?
if i live to a terrifying death,
because i know nothing,
and possible is everything.
but i play with the sand,
even when i see the water beneath.
trap, is it a trap?
will the water seep, not down, but up
when i am unaware and take me?
(or am i actually upside down?))
i can't see the stars.
(mother, father,
why have you named me after hope?
stars are constant, to the eye.
did you not know that they are dead?
or would you rather not see the bigger picture?
the bigger question?
is there some reason to anything?
what are the chances that
reality is fake?)
they are behind clouds.
(are they hiding?
am i hiding?)
i look to the lighthouse
(in the distance.
can you see the bright dot
turn into a beam,
going to the right,
then to the left,
over and over again?
is this life?
repetition?)
and watch the waves
(they run over each other,
like we run over each other,
and sometimes when they are strong enough
they sprint over the shoreline.
but they can't stay,
and we can't stay,
you know that.)
and the white foam
(rising, falling, arriving, disappearing).
and i wonder why
(why
why
why)
i am here
(on the beach,
on this trip,
living)
and why i want
(to see the stars
to write on the sand
to find some shells and skeletons
to find him)
and not want
(to live)
everything,
(yes, everything)
all at the same time
(i love so much,
and hate so much,
give so much,
and receive so much,
good,
and bad,
pleasures,
and pains,
young,
and yet so old...)
so i thought,
if i want to be here,
and not be here,
it means that i still want to be here.
because, if given the choice,
i wouldn't leave.
because i've come to this spot,
and i am here.
and i looked up at the sky,
the stars had come out of hiding.
(and i realized,
what is the ocean
but the accumulation
of everyone's fallen tears?)
wishes
i wish you were in the water
(close) behind me today,
to hold, for warmth,
to brave me against the waves
(to keep, forever).
i wish my heart i could fully give away
to you, to you i said,
but
the day was too heavy,
and the air too light,
and though i'd tried plenty,
the words did not take flight...
do you know?
if you nod,
it would tell my heart "go..."
if not,
it would surely stop
(then after a while,
i'd have to mop
the broken bits
into a corner
of my wits )
no idea, no answer
it's all hit and miss...
would you tell me
plainly
to ease this back and forth?
or does it lie secretly,
(puppy) love,
all in these games
of hide and seek
and peek-a-boo?
for now,
all is only "no,"
because your love
(i think...i know)
is also currently
trapped somewhere
in the air,
near.
(close) behind me today,
to hold, for warmth,
to brave me against the waves
(to keep, forever).
i wish my heart i could fully give away
to you, to you i said,
but
the day was too heavy,
and the air too light,
and though i'd tried plenty,
the words did not take flight...
do you know?
if you nod,
it would tell my heart "go..."
if not,
it would surely stop
(then after a while,
i'd have to mop
the broken bits
into a corner
of my wits )
no idea, no answer
it's all hit and miss...
would you tell me
plainly
to ease this back and forth?
or does it lie secretly,
(puppy) love,
all in these games
of hide and seek
and peek-a-boo?
for now,
all is only "no,"
because your love
(i think...i know)
is also currently
trapped somewhere
in the air,
near.
corinne bailey rae & john mayer
i've been here
listening to her songs,
thinking for so long
about you.
('one for sorrow
two for joy'
yesterday, today, tomorrow
my heart feels like a broken toy.)
i thought my leaving
would brush your stardust off of me,
that the air would let me breathe,
and the sights would let me see
(things i couldn't otherwise perceive),
perhaps the crowds of hyper souls
could steer and take control,
and let me loosen and cool,
so that her oddly precise lyrics
(those small unintentional replies)
would no longer apply.
turning the volume up,
i listen now to his voice,
and i wonder if, as he sings,
i have your 'only heart,'
and had i my way and choice,
would hold your love in a (leaky) cup?
i'd like you to teach me how to dance,
yet i fear a day
when, at a glance,
the room will burn away.
dreaming of a day
in an impossible future,
a very pretty picture,
some special kind of torture.
'i don't trust myself
(with loving you') -
it's true and
something i cannot do,
yet i ask, so, so, so??
i look around...
maybe i made a mistake,
but i need a little more time,
up in this room opposite the raindrop lake,
looking for the answers i need to find.
('call me when you get this.')
listening to her songs,
thinking for so long
about you.
('one for sorrow
two for joy'
yesterday, today, tomorrow
my heart feels like a broken toy.)
i thought my leaving
would brush your stardust off of me,
that the air would let me breathe,
and the sights would let me see
(things i couldn't otherwise perceive),
perhaps the crowds of hyper souls
could steer and take control,
and let me loosen and cool,
so that her oddly precise lyrics
(those small unintentional replies)
would no longer apply.
turning the volume up,
i listen now to his voice,
and i wonder if, as he sings,
i have your 'only heart,'
and had i my way and choice,
would hold your love in a (leaky) cup?
i'd like you to teach me how to dance,
yet i fear a day
when, at a glance,
the room will burn away.
dreaming of a day
in an impossible future,
a very pretty picture,
some special kind of torture.
'i don't trust myself
(with loving you') -
it's true and
something i cannot do,
yet i ask, so, so, so??
i look around...
maybe i made a mistake,
but i need a little more time,
up in this room opposite the raindrop lake,
looking for the answers i need to find.
('call me when you get this.')
falling
in a word,
i am
gladsadohsomad,
and i know
it isn't nice
i try and guess
how much worse
it all can turn
before i am wise
(i am hoping now
for the dice
to land on nine.)
so it goes, they say,
out of fading windowsills
i dropped and plopped
into the sea
(will you catch me?
...or did you push me?)
water and nothing else
it's so lonely!
silence
is a terrifying noise...
sinking
in the bitterly sweet,
waiting to float
i've waited too long.
drowning, and
starting to wonder
if i'll ever surface,
(dying?)
if i am still living?
tired eyes
closing,
everything
whirring,
motions slowing
body tiring
no, no...
no more flailing.
the sun has come
so near!
serene,
endearing,
it looks closer
at a drifting stranger
(no one will find her.)
they say so often
she is sleeping.
(caution)
truth comes
from repetition.
i am
gladsadohsomad,
and i know
it isn't nice
i try and guess
how much worse
it all can turn
before i am wise
(i am hoping now
for the dice
to land on nine.)
so it goes, they say,
out of fading windowsills
i dropped and plopped
into the sea
(will you catch me?
...or did you push me?)
water and nothing else
it's so lonely!
silence
is a terrifying noise...
sinking
in the bitterly sweet,
waiting to float
i've waited too long.
drowning, and
starting to wonder
if i'll ever surface,
(dying?)
if i am still living?
tired eyes
closing,
everything
whirring,
motions slowing
body tiring
no, no...
no more flailing.
the sun has come
so near!
serene,
endearing,
it looks closer
at a drifting stranger
(no one will find her.)
they say so often
she is sleeping.
(caution)
truth comes
from repetition.
dawning
if morning birds can speak so freely,
what is standing in my way?
is it that i cannot fly,
that i know not the answer to the question "why?"
how should i let you know
all that is on my mind?
can i take it out
for you to read?
i'm not sure you'd understand-
my thoughts are nothing but sand
and though you want to grasp them again
they'd still run, sliding off your hand
(they escape me all the time too,
i wonder if that is good news?).
i know that i don't know
and that is all.
can i ever avoid that fall,
and maybe instead,
simply lean against a wall?
without a choice i was born,
so i mourn
all these trials
i've had to endure.
to you i try to make it clear
that my heart is one with fear
that if you should choose to go so near,
take care, (please) take care...
what is standing in my way?
is it that i cannot fly,
that i know not the answer to the question "why?"
how should i let you know
all that is on my mind?
can i take it out
for you to read?
i'm not sure you'd understand-
my thoughts are nothing but sand
and though you want to grasp them again
they'd still run, sliding off your hand
(they escape me all the time too,
i wonder if that is good news?).
i know that i don't know
and that is all.
can i ever avoid that fall,
and maybe instead,
simply lean against a wall?
without a choice i was born,
so i mourn
all these trials
i've had to endure.
to you i try to make it clear
that my heart is one with fear
that if you should choose to go so near,
take care, (please) take care...
because
1. i love to look your way
2. your eyes make mine flee away
3. my name waits for your voice today
4. you carry smiles in your pockets
5. i want to keep you in a locket
6. when you are on my mind, sleep goes
7. you don't really know
8. sweeter days are your creation
9. lonely nights are my damnation
what a wonder,
that you, happiness,
should bring such thunder.
2. your eyes make mine flee away
3. my name waits for your voice today
4. you carry smiles in your pockets
5. i want to keep you in a locket
6. when you are on my mind, sleep goes
7. you don't really know
8. sweeter days are your creation
9. lonely nights are my damnation
what a wonder,
that you, happiness,
should bring such thunder.
broken window.
(you shattered me)
draft of careless air,
in it comes
(in you come)
soft invasion,
sad scenes,
fluttering magazines
(fluttering heart)
flowing curtains,
shards of glass,
(cut by love)
withering plants wish
days of sunny warmth
(i can't breathe)
come forth...
empty room
empty bed
empty seats
empty cups
(empty longing)
one glance,
to take it all
(take you with me)
one more time
before i walk and leave,
(memories i can't keep)
wade through air so deep...
(but if you belong with me...)
close the door
turn the lock
go with no cares.
(heart, move elsewhere)
but the keys
(please please)
in my hand
refuse to let go
and if to this persistence
should i say no
one knows
there'd be more woes.
(don't go, go, go)
draft of careless air,
in it comes
(in you come)
soft invasion,
sad scenes,
fluttering magazines
(fluttering heart)
flowing curtains,
shards of glass,
(cut by love)
withering plants wish
days of sunny warmth
(i can't breathe)
come forth...
empty room
empty bed
empty seats
empty cups
(empty longing)
one glance,
to take it all
(take you with me)
one more time
before i walk and leave,
(memories i can't keep)
wade through air so deep...
(but if you belong with me...)
close the door
turn the lock
go with no cares.
(heart, move elsewhere)
but the keys
(please please)
in my hand
refuse to let go
and if to this persistence
should i say no
one knows
there'd be more woes.
(don't go, go, go)
you
weeping willow
sway with me
as i think of him
smiling now
sobbing now
sad and
barely sane,
questions
no answers
overcast
no rain,
tears
tears
hidden here,
tears
tears
everywhere.
all too wonderful and
such perfection
makes me fear
unseen cracks
disturbing knacks
what he lacks...
i take a step
but he pulls me back.
as wind weaves
through the leaves
he does through me
kindly gentle
brutally natural
his any and all
makes me mental
(so damn banal!)
sway with me
as i think of him
smiling now
sobbing now
sad and
barely sane,
questions
no answers
overcast
no rain,
tears
tears
hidden here,
tears
tears
everywhere.
all too wonderful and
such perfection
makes me fear
unseen cracks
disturbing knacks
what he lacks...
i take a step
but he pulls me back.
as wind weaves
through the leaves
he does through me
kindly gentle
brutally natural
his any and all
makes me mental
(so damn banal!)
addiction.
i've myself to blame
for this sour taste in my mouth
too much
too high
too dark
too drugged.
soon will i come
to know of tummyaches
of regrets of indulgences past.
and oh you are much, so much
more decadent
than coffee in cups,
richer than cream,
warmer than aroma swirls
spiraling up to my nose...
(i wish i could breathe you in too).
you keep me awake at 3am (...4...5...)
more than
java mocha espresso
ever could, so
i'd save myself some cash
and pay with a tear wash
and...body mind heart soul
bash mash gash lash...
your voice
your eyes
your laugh, chuckle, giggle
cradle my happiness
with all of your kindess and
your words, jokes, answers
kiss my mind,
grasp my heart...
own my soul.
i've myself to blame
for this tearful taste on my face
(i'm in) too deep
(i'm given) too little
(you make me) too happy
(i love you?) too much.
for this sour taste in my mouth
too much
too high
too dark
too drugged.
soon will i come
to know of tummyaches
of regrets of indulgences past.
and oh you are much, so much
more decadent
than coffee in cups,
richer than cream,
warmer than aroma swirls
spiraling up to my nose...
(i wish i could breathe you in too).
you keep me awake at 3am (...4...5...)
more than
java mocha espresso
ever could, so
i'd save myself some cash
and pay with a tear wash
and...body mind heart soul
bash mash gash lash...
your voice
your eyes
your laugh, chuckle, giggle
cradle my happiness
with all of your kindess and
your words, jokes, answers
kiss my mind,
grasp my heart...
own my soul.
i've myself to blame
for this tearful taste on my face
(i'm in) too deep
(i'm given) too little
(you make me) too happy
(i love you?) too much.
baby
i fell asleep with my past beside me tonight.
i chased her around all day, afternoon and evening.
i ate while she cried,
frowned while she laughed,
drooped while she screamed,
i stared at her in all frustration.
she had no sense
of right and wrong,
of good and bad,
she did not believe in
anyone but herself.
i told her to do this,
and she chose to do that,
i gave
she refused.
i seized
she complained.
something wonderful
in her eyes,
docile
free of lies.
something lively
on her lips,
soft and shapely
free to love
kiss
and tell.
her tears,
gentle round crystals
of a spoiled nature,
seemed to hold
a time to come,
of perception,
mutations,
true lamentation.
for now, for now,
i can bare it all
a little more.
wastefully spent,
at last she surrendered,
and i sighed,
knowing she was done
with all things lost and won...
i opened my eyes
and saw her there
peacefully respiring
in the dimming lighting
i closed my eyes
and the world slipped
and the time slid
and when i woke
at a set of taps on my shoulder,
it was in a lighted darkness,
a muted room,
and my past
had turned away.
i chased her around all day, afternoon and evening.
i ate while she cried,
frowned while she laughed,
drooped while she screamed,
i stared at her in all frustration.
she had no sense
of right and wrong,
of good and bad,
she did not believe in
anyone but herself.
i told her to do this,
and she chose to do that,
i gave
she refused.
i seized
she complained.
something wonderful
in her eyes,
docile
free of lies.
something lively
on her lips,
soft and shapely
free to love
kiss
and tell.
her tears,
gentle round crystals
of a spoiled nature,
seemed to hold
a time to come,
of perception,
mutations,
true lamentation.
for now, for now,
i can bare it all
a little more.
wastefully spent,
at last she surrendered,
and i sighed,
knowing she was done
with all things lost and won...
i opened my eyes
and saw her there
peacefully respiring
in the dimming lighting
i closed my eyes
and the world slipped
and the time slid
and when i woke
at a set of taps on my shoulder,
it was in a lighted darkness,
a muted room,
and my past
had turned away.
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