capture

by means of obscene moments
the slight coloring mother gave me
the birthmark i thought was gone
the picture that does not lie
the lighting that darkens and stays.
the heater sounds like it will explode and i'm sure one of these days it will.
at night i hear it click like the turn of a burglar lock.
in the morning it churns quietly.
the crescendo that i can't escape.
it grows and blow my hair,
invisible air rising.
the winter has come and the skies wait for the turns of weather.
today it was pink and purple in ascending order.

winter morning haiku.

temperature dropping
steam from the urine fountain
quaint rural China.

when i woke up for the second time today

the sun sliced through
the vertical blinds

covering the window
and me in our bedroom.

childhood
and its memories

warm, golden,
and piercing.

advice.

i have loved myself for too long
my father tells me

now is time for hate:
balance is everything:

where there is no want
go there

of that which has no pleasure
do so.

speak and follow
your own commands:

in and under,
surrounded by power.

reason for staying in.

take off the sweater but not the feeling of the day
grabbed from the city outside and brought in like mud

dirty shoes represent
the reluctant wearer 

a limp and 
deflated bounce


I _____ when you are not here and i _____ constantly until i run out.
I cry sometimes and it's healthier, but healthier's not the right word.
When I _____ I don't enjoy it.
EVerything fades a little by a little until there is nothing left but the motion.
And the motion continues until I feel too sorry for myself to continue.
Or until I get sick.
I _____ when I want to stop time.
I _____ when I want to focus on the one thing that has pleasure within reach.
I _____ until the pleasure goes away and then I fall on my bed, stomach down, sad and heavy.
Some nights are worse than others.
What I _____ is good until i make it bad.
I _____ when I want to do nothing.
I _____ until I can do nothing else.

double a batteries

coming down the stairs i rock
back but not soon enough so
many missteps and moments gone
to the next level of pain hitting later
with a couple of rolling cracks
the bone begs to be left alone
and so it is. the re-injury of tonight
remembers the last time it was
hurting so badly on the field of grass
in spikes and softly tumbling down
to the surprise of others, i mean
why does she fall down so easily?