break

i think about the day of our breaking up

so that it won't be a stinging slap of surprise.

i wonder when love ends, if it will feel

like i do before i fall,

that feeling of knowing 

i will land on the ground,

bruised and scraped

bloody and in pain.

a moment of slight terror,

of thinking, this is happening,

and i can't stop it,

of wondering, will it hurt less this time,

or more, or about the same?

how long, i ask,

before i can be closer to normal again,

how long,

before i won't constantly fear being hurt?

i imagine we'll be inside,

as the rain dashes against the windows,

sliding down and combining,

on a cold fall day,

or a windy winter night,

in an old warm room.

i wonder,

will you be the one crying,

and i the one holding?

(do you love me enough to cry?)

will there be a final first kiss

to end it all,

seal it off

and send it away

into the past?

we will realize

we needed each other

because we were tired of waiting,

because she wasn't careful,

and you were scared,

because he didn't know,

and i couldn't hold on.

because you tumbled into me,

and i let you,

because i fell 

and you caught me,

because we both thought it'd be nice,

having someone...

anyone?