like before

i would tell you everything, with a few quivering views of the world and an uncertain voice bound to be cut short by a lack of air. that was what i had done, and somehow with all that has changed in the days since we last saw each other before these past hundred of hours, i have lost the ability to speak my thoughts like i had once did. unabashed and so confident that you can do me no wrong, that you no longer have the power to break me, or bend me, or melt me to a single water droplet. i suppose you hate how i talk now, because you don't have any working spells on me, that you cannot see the way i flinch slightly, with both pleasure, desire and pain, at your touch, however gentle or fleeting. your voice, so ordinary now, so ordinary then too if i had realized it, if i had convinced myself why it was i always mistook his voice for yours. 

so why is it that i still cannot feel strong, that i constantly avoid with a conscious mind the thought of you and me and the moments that used to be?